Showing posts from 2018

Spectacularly Normal

For anyone reading the ramblings of a 30 something crazy women, they will know that I started writing as a way to document my mental health journey. That journey has led me to today. It has been a pretty spectacular kind of normal day. It was a day when one of my nearest and dearest looked at me and told me how proud she was of me and made my heart melt just a little. This last few months I have worked my arse off to get to a place where I feel like the person I once was. (If I ignore the 3.5 stone of extra chub I now carry that is.) I've always been a nervy person by nature, but until my smallest human was born I was a master at hiding the anxious, nauseating , heart pounding signs I wasn't cool with whatever I was doing. I was outwardly confident, loud and knew how to bat my eyelashes in the right direction. I was the girl who bought matching underwear, donned little skirts and dresses and could walk further than down the stairs to the front door in a pair of heels. But I lost tha…

A Little Dark Week

I've been a complete slacker this week. Haven't written a thing and had no inspiration to do so either so I figured it was time to make a little update on life in general.

Parenting is as always a task.
I read a quote the other day that made me laugh. 

True story folks. True story.
In our house this week we have cried, a lot.  Laughed till there have been actual tears and I have screamed a little bit more than normal.
Truth be told I'm not managing life as well as I could be. I made the decision to go back on some medication and although I know it was the wise move to make, to ensure I don't end up back at the horrible rock bottom place, I still felt a bit disappointed in myself. I hoped that I could go through the rest of my life managing things my way.
The plus side is that I am very aware of my moods these days and I have really been able to monitor things well, which is still a huge step up from this time a year ago.
One of the things that really pushed the decision wa…

Enough of this new reality

Ok so this post is a little different from anything else I’ve written about, but having a teenage daughter, it’s something that is really driving me nuts right now.
On a weekly basis, I read about celebrities being trolled and bullied online and I don’t condone this in any way, but I really can’t help wondering if occasionally they leave themselves wide open for criticism. There’s a huge difference between criticism and bullying so I really want to make it clear I in no way want to cross that boundary. I read things and see a lot of these videos on YouTube that just slaughter people in the public eye just to get video clicks. This week I’ve seen a lot of stuff about Kendal Jenner, who as far as I can see, tends to be ambushed for breathing and it makes me feel really uncomfortable, knowing this girl suffers anxiety obviously strikes a chord with me and when you see someone just being picked at for every project they take on or every person they date, that does roll over to bullying and…

A little look back

After floating the last couple of weeks over to parent related posts, I really wanted to get back to talking about the stuff that kicked this journey off.

My mental health and trying to document how it affects my life.

Admittedly, I have had a reasonably easy ride of it recently which is probably why I have slacked off having anything to say about it.
That being said, although life seems to be reasonably quiet in my head compared to the deafening chaos that can go on, it's maybe these time that I should keep track of more than the shit spells.
Maybe the times when I am calmest is the best time to reflect on how I am staying calm, how I have pushed myself passed the dark spells and why I work so hard to come out of a down day. Even the days when I am be bouncing off the walls, full of all the enthusiasm for life that a mild dose of bipolar can bring are days that I have to be very aware of myself.
Truthfully, I love those days when my mind is so busy that I forget to sit down, the da…

Just Send Help

Someone, please tell me when these parenting things get any easier!!!!
I know, I have shifted gear from blogging about mental health to parenting in one swift unforeseen move but these humans take up so much of my god damn time it was probably unavoidable.
For once it’s not Miss Stroppy Teen who is pissing on my Cheerios before we even leave the house but her little sister with the big stinking attitude. For a few months now my littlest human has tried my patience with her general shitty attitude to other people and her massive lack of manners.  It possibly is so noticeable because the firstborn bean has politeness Tourette’s. 
“Thank you, Thanks, thank you!” 
And that’s just when she asks for a bottle of water out the fridge!  This littlest of humans, however, is a completely different kettle of fish.  Thank you isn’t a word she’s really aware of and it’s certainly not one she knows how to use.  At least not unless there’s an occasion when she’s desperate for me to say yes to something. 
I am…

Lucky Enough To Be A mum On Mothers day

This past weekend marked my 16th Mothers Day, 8th as a mum of two. The day came and went fairly quietly with the highlight of my day being the three of us curled up on the sofa watching Harry Potter.
I think its the first Mothers Day I have had where I just didn't really look forward to the day.
With the smallest human being away until dinner time and generally feeling a bit iffy I didn't get up and do the stuff I normally would.
I didn't go and celebrate with my mum, the first time I haven't seen her on Mothering Sunday, instead, I stayed curled in PJs and chilled out with my firstborn. It wasn't until Monday morning came around that I really appreciated how nice it was to not make a huge fuss of the day.
Ok so I did have to put the washing on to make sure the school stuff was done, I did make my own breakfast and the dinner for the three of us, but that's what being a mum is all about.
Some people wish for years to have even one little human to cle…


When I received a lovely comment on my page from Soffy, it brought me over to hers where I found her #DearDaughter guest post. I decided I would love to contribute, after doing my Dear Future Husband a couple of weeks ago this one felt very fitting to continue with this great idea. Soooo...... Dear Daughters, You each have a half of my heart, so it felt only right to say these words to you both. The most important thing you should know is how special you both are. Our journey so far hasn't been easy by any stretch, my health has caused us all to suffer dark days and you both survive these days beautifully. With grace and empathy, strength and hope. These days of darkness in our house never last long, and that is because of you two. The laughter, the achievements, the hugs and pride you bring to my life work better than any medication I could take. For this, I am thankful every day. We are a team, a tribe. We just fit. Neither of you were brought into this world traditionally, wit…

Blog Life

I intend for this to be a short blog entry but I can go on so, bare with me. At the weekend after Soffy left a lovely comment on my 16 Year postpartum update, I went over and checked out her page, and I loved what I was reading.
Soffy writes so beautifully on her page themumaffairs and like me, she's new to the blogging world. Two things struck me after reading Soffys latest post. Firstly, how professional her page looked: I was so well presented it made me rethink how I gave mine laid out in such a lazy manner, (still on my 'Must fix' list.)
the second was something I really learned early on in my blog life. Bloggers are the nicest people. After thanking Soffy and then going on to chat with her a little it was a lovely reminder that this community that I have emersed myself in is such a friendly one and maybe this is where I really need to take more advantage of that.
I'm sure I've had a good moan in the past about how all my friends are busy with their lives and …

16 Year Postpartum Update

It's been a number of years since I birthed humans, although I still remember both days so clearly. They say you forget the pain and I think there is truth to that, but you never forget the feeling when your new baby is handed to you.
The blood and gloopy shit they bring with them is something you don't really see. Only that little face looking up at you with wonder.
Wonder at what their future holds. Well folks, here's the truth of what lies ahead for you and that tiny bundle, the one that you can't imagine being big enough to sit up never mind go out into the world and make the same mistakes you did. I'm a Youtube fan, I'm a blog reader and I'm a mother of two, so of course, I enjoy the pregnancy updates and the new baby videos. It makes me nostalgic, a nice reminder of a calmer time. I enjoy the reality of following Instagram pages from the likes of The Unmumsy Mum and Clemmie Hooper. (Husband Simon is where the comedy gold lies) but all these parenting…