A self Belief Setback

Setbacks seem to be a way of life for everyone. I'm fairly certain everyone struggles when they are knocked down by some life shit that is thrown their way, but for me, I often find that my biggest setbacks come when I let other people's thoughts and opinions affect me.
After a shitter of a day and some genuine crappy work stuff thrown me, I cried my tears and screamed at my mother, who now is describing herself affectionately as my punch bag.
(Seriously women, you wonder where I get my dramatic tendencies)
By the time I'd got the first wave of emotional crap out the way, I managed to do what I now have trained myself to do and started trying to find a way to fix the problems I've been dealt. This task went reasonably well for a few hours, with my beautiful teenage human encouraging me so beautifully to keep working at what I'm doing and reassuring me things aren't failing. This cheerleading from one of my two favourite people was enough to push me forward and use the phrase,
"My business is only a failure if it's not working for us, and it is, so it's not a failure and I'm not giving up."
Coming out with inspirational quotes like a Pinterest page isn't something I've done forever, it's something I've had to work on, time-consumingly, day after day, hour after hour.
It's another full-time job that isn't always a walk in the park. I have to force myself some days to remember that things never seem as bad in the morning and that I am stronger than I give myself credit for.
Just as the inspiration was firing all cylinders I ended up back down on the floor in a puddle of tears.
What knocked me back down? Simply not being understood. Not feeling heard. Not knowing why making myself clear at times can be so difficult.
One of the long-suffering girls from my tribe made a comment and all of a sudden, all the energy I have gathered to brush myself off from this morning just went, like a puff of smoke, just gone.
So now, at almost 10 pm at night, having had no dinner, no bath and not having done anything mildly productive for the last few hours, I'm now wondering why I can pick myself up from some things and others just cripple me.
Why are the opinions of anyone else so prevalent in my day, my heart and my head?
We can love the people round about us and respect their thoughts and advice but it shouldn't ever cause us to doubt ourselves and our intentions or motivation.
Over the last few months, I have taught myself so many techniques to keep well and meditation has been a huge part of that. I turn to it like a drug when things are hard and it centres me. Calms me.
Taking even five tiny minutes to just breath and clear my mind always makes these things easier to deal with, and it was this realisation, a realisation I have over and over again, that slapped me in the face and said, my thoughts, my feeling and my opinions are the ONLY ones that matter. I am the ONLY one who works this hard for me and my little beans and therefore it's me and my mind that matters. Instead of turning to other people to try and make sense of whatever has gone wrong, I only need to turn to myself. My cleared and silence mind will always give a clearer, less upsetting answer than anyone else.
Self-belief is the only belief that will bring success to anyone.
Whether my friends and family cheer me on or think I'm useless, lazy or not capable, it doesn't matter. It's time to actively remove myself from the assumption that on my own I can't.
I can't be happy.
I can't achieve.
I can't be a good mother.
I can't be successful.
Because. I. Can.
No one can feel what we feel, no else can know why we do the things we do. No truly.
The most dangerous setback anyone can have is to doubt their own mind. It's the slippery slope that keeps us down when knocked over.
It's the cloud that blocks the sun from making our dreams shine. It's the darkness that won't leave until something changes in ourselves.
Take that breath and smile.
Push through the bad days and keep fighting. If for no other reason then because YOU CAN!



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