Asking For A Friend

Today I have pondered a few questions, all possibly a pointless use of my time, (I have been known to be a great waster of time since roughly 1986,) but the one I am settling with for bedtime, is:
Does there come a time in life when we are just too old to make new friends?
Now don't get me wrong, I love and appreciate my friend's huge amounts. It's clear if you've read any of my other blogs that they deserve medals for putting up with my rollercoaster moods and general Humpty bitch demeanour I force upon them. I'm really not looking to replace them, mainly down to the fact the suckers that are still about are more my family than some of my actual blood relatives! (not looking in my sibling's direction at all) they irritate the shit out of me regularly but I've always got their back and vice versa.
I've just been very aware of late that these girls have been around for a such a long time, that they tend to have this idea of who I am or the notion they know me better than I know myself.
In some ways really they do but in others, they aren't always as accurate as they think. I guess we never really know anyone inside out, we never know how someone feels or what they think. Sometimes I find myself saying things to friends that aren't purposefully untrue but just contradict what I said two seconds earlier.
I can often struggle to word things find things in a way that makes sense even to me, leaving whichever friend has been on the receiving end of my chat totally baffled. Worse still, and I'm not sure if it's a bipolar issue or not, I find myself thinking out loud to others. The way a normal person would process a thought in their mind, I just throw it all out there in a sea of word vomit trying to make sense those ping pong ball thoughts. By the end, I may have reached a conclusion to my thoughts but I've just left some poor bugger with either no idea of what the hell I'm rambling about or the completely wrong impression of what I actually think or believe about something.
For this reason, the people closest to me will often refer back to something I've spouted off mid-rant and it's a frustrating thing for them to deal with when I end up pissed off that they don't understand me.
So how does this tie into me wondering whether or not there's an age cap on making new friends?
Well as I say I'm not in a huge rush to bin the few I have, nor am I desperate for more, (refer to last blog post about being happy in my own company) however sometimes I think it would be nice to meet new people who don't know my past, who aren't so close to me that I feel comfortable verbally shitting all over them. Just to meet people that are like-minded but not too close for comfort.
There are two issues surrounding my "new friend" query that has stopped me diving in there to find out. The biggest one being that I'm a tad socially phobic, so that's a fairly big roadblock in the way of meeting anyone new, whether it be a future husband or new mates.
The other one is that I genuinely feel too old to make new friends. At least decent ones. I've never been one to mingle with new people I don't click with, life is just too short to be around people you have nothing to say too. My friends do, obviously, have other friends and some of them I think are lovely people, but come on, if I was going to explore those friendships more I would have done by now.
When you have a weekly big brother style rundown of their "shit bits" it makes you less inclined to care about their "best bits" no matter how nice they are.
I've always liked to have separate friendships anyway. Not for the mean girl's reason of not wanting to share friends. Just because I've always had so many sides to my personality that I like to have a really varied group around that compliments those parts to me, teaches me new things or brings out different parts of me.
My tribe of girls includes one I can share my sick sense of humour with, one I can talk about home decor nonsense and cheese ball 90s dance tunes with. The one I can always count on for the important gossip and the one that is so intelligent there's not much she doesn't seem to know. I also have little Lou who, although she's juggling three kids in a foreign country, still asks all the questions no one else does to let me know she really cares about my life.
I am so blessed to have these girls so it's not about replacing, it's about adding to the pack. Wanting to find other girls who bring out other parts of me. I've briefly in past blogs mentioned a friend who "ghosted" me round about Xmas of 2016 and as much as a friendship that is so easily sacked off isn't really a huge loss, I do miss the element she brought to my life. She was a motivator. Alway encouraging at anything I did. Always asking for my advice like it was important.
When you hit 30+ though, is it as easy to make new long-term friendships?
When your humans are no longer toddlers and they are that bit more independent, you can't really use them to make conversation and invite folk round for play dates.
I noticed some of the dating apps now have a "find a friend" style section to them but swiping your way into a relationship is one thing (not that I'm keen on that idea either) but it just feels massively weird swiping for friendships. How the hell do you choose? I'm not ashamed to admit I've had my share of girl crushes in life, but I'm not looking for a lesbian lover, at least not yet, so picking potential friends based on their looks just seems too crazy. No-one ever puts info on these things either so that rules out common interests.
My drinking days are long gone so nights in the pub being social aren't the answer and I'm a little too socially awkward to hit fitness classes or anything similar.
So I guess after all this battering a keyboard I still don't have the answer.
Are you ever too old to add to your friendships? And if not how the hell do you go about it??
Answers on a postcard folks.
L xx


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