Dealing with crazy? Or just crazy?

So I've not felt the need to update a blog since my first attempt, to sum up, 7 months in half an hour. 🤔

My mental health has been up and down like a yo-yo but.....................
yep, there is a BUT.
The manic spells of bipolar are simmering down again and I feel more normal than I have for the last a good few months.
The shitty miserable cow spells are pretty spectacular, but they don't hang about. I am crashing and then in no time at all I can manage the ping pong balls in my head. The utter shambles of self-loathing, shame, doubt, frustration. I can make them stop and tell them to jog on.
It's a huge change in a month. One I didn't expect.
Yeah, it's fucking hard work, I'm not going to lie about that. Because of my defective disc and the sheer agonising pain I deal with daily physio is now a shitting full-time job and I am telling you, it might help me get up and down a bit easier but it's a task.
The flip side of it is I've gone all Buddhist monk and I am meditating, sitting legs crossed (when I can get them crossed) doing the cat cow or whatever the hell these yoga positions are called.
I have reverted to being 13 and I have a diary. A shitting diary!!
But it helps.
At night time when I am getting more and more pissed off at what I perceive as the pure stupidity of others, I write it down. I rant on the page about whatever enters my head at that second.
Pore out all the random ping pong balls and let them bounce off the page until my brain just settles. And I have peace. A quiet mind. I never thought I'd have a quiet mind again but I do and better than that it's not because I'm medicated out my tree on anti-depressants or mood stabilisers. I'm doing it on my own.
So here is where I get the title of the latest installment of my crazy life. (Calm down Katie Price) 🙄
Being irate with others seems to be a regular occurrence lately. And I'm fairly sure people are constantly irate with me. But......when my mental health is used as an excuse for every disagreement, Am I the one who is nuts?
Is someone who works their ass off just to get dressed some days the one who isn't quite all there?
I had a conversation with someone, we can call them maleficent.......
Let's talk fairytales here. So Maleficent felt she had to go and seek progressional advice about 'dealing' with sleeping beauty.
Sleeping beauty is a pain in the ass, she openly admits it, but she does try. She tries to keep the peace no matter how many times someone hurts her or shows they aren't loyal to her and her fairies (no idea what they were called) she tries to do nice things even when it's not always deserved.
So when Maleficent then goes on the explain that Beauty has pushed her to this terrible fate of looking for a magic potion to solve all the problems, is Beauty fucking crazy to think.....
'Hang on witchy poo, here's one of the biggest problems right in front of your pointy beak!!'
Essentially what I'm getting at is if someone, like me or Beauty. Or for the sake of equality Batman or Superman, are sitting with their shitting legs metaphorically tangled around their head trying to relax and build up the self-esteem they clearly lost the last time Brookside aired on channel 4, and still, the people around them are telling them,
'You cause this, you're bad at that, you're mental......blah blah'
Are they not actually the crazy bastards who think insulting someone with mental health problems repeatedly is going to help anything?
Crazy??? Me?? Us?
Or the people who think they are sane as Shrek? (Mind his best mate was a talking Donkey. )
There's some quote that makes reference to how people my age (or thereabouts) grew up with Disney characters like Snow White, she was shacked up with seven tiny men and Aladdin stole shit and was clearly on acid cause he thought he could fly a carpet.
'It was Disney who led the kids astray, made them try drugs, lose their minds and sleep around.'
That's a good theory and it's a brilliant excuse to pass the buck, but we don't live in a fairytale and whoever maps out our story isn't bleedin Walt Disney.
I've no idea who gets the power to introduce us to the people we meet or essential the bloody we are born into and it most likely doesn't matter either.
What matters is learning the tools to deal with the way you survive the shit we go through. Not just those of us who are 'unstable' or 'vulnerable' (that's a new level of condescending that one)
So.........
My task for my next little blog/rant/bedtime story is to work out who the crazy people are and how to banish them once and for all. Either from my life or my head.
Am I truly dealing with crazy assholes? Or are they dealing with me?
Xx

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