Just Send Help

                                 
Someone, please tell me when these parenting things get any easier!!!!

I know, I have shifted gear from blogging about mental health to parenting in one swift unforeseen move but these humans take up so much of my god damn time it was probably unavoidable.

For once it’s not Miss Stroppy Teen who is pissing on my Cheerios before we even leave the house but her little sister with the big stinking attitude. For a few months now my littlest human has tried my patience with her general shitty attitude to other people and her massive lack of manners. 
It possibly is so noticeable because the firstborn bean has politeness Tourette’s. 

“Thank you, Thanks, thank you!” 

And that’s just when she asks for a bottle of water out the fridge! 
This littlest of humans, however, is a completely different kettle of fish. 
Thank you isn’t a word she’s really aware of and it’s certainly not one she knows how to use. 
At least not unless there’s an occasion when she’s desperate for me to say yes to something. 

I am so anal about manners from the kids that I just can’t fathom why this little narcissist thinks she doesn’t owe manners to anyone. 
Why is it she feels like she is owed a favour and everyone else should bow down at her feet. Why does she think the world revolves around her, or that being grateful is beneath her? 
Is she really this type of self-involved or is it just an 8-year-old thing? 

This morning was the beginning of the end of this little humans reign of terror in my house. 
Not even out of her bed and she was shouting the odds about how she didn’t make the mess in her room. I could barely get a word into reason with her that no ones else has been in her room, so unless the Manky Midden Fairies have been in and done the place over, it was indeed her!!

The second altercation arrived before we got out the door for the school run. 
Front door wide open, house colder than Camilla Parker Bowles’ stone heart and when I have the god damn cheek to ask why, the screaming starts again.


~ “It wasn’t me!” 
It was. 
No-one else had been downstairs.

~ “I did close it!” 
Nope.
Otherwise it wouldn’t be flapping in the 80mph winds.

~ “It’s not my fault!” 
Well clearly it was!
What with you being the one that opened it 10 mins ago.

Of course, the only sensible thing for me to do was walk away until she stopped screaming at me and have it out with her in a few minutes. 
I of course did no such thing and ended up yipping back at her like she’s a younger sister stealing my make up. 

Admittedly my approach was less than helpful but I genuinely have no clue how to curb this utter nonsense. It’s driving me to despair and her sister to consider jumping ship and applying for uni in another city! (This I’m sure will be another breakdown post at some point soon)

It’s not just the rudeness or the shitty attitude either, this incessant need for attention is killing me one stupid comment at a time. 
This beautiful personality trait started after she went back to the start the new school year in August and after a bit of an up and down first half to 2017 I had to pop in to see her Head Teacher who suggested to this little evil genius that maybe she was doing x,y and z at the time because mum was quite busy managing a new business now and did she maybe feel like she didn’t get as much attention from her as she was used to?
I could have throttled that women when I watched my Noteenager* nod her head. 

I could hardly call her out and risk being told I was invalidating her feelings and this was where my issues stemmed from, could I?! 
So my last born child has taken this idea and ran with it. 
Now every time the attention is on anyone but her she is singing and dancing, asking questions while others are mid-sentence and generally trying to display every skill she has ever picked up. Good and bad. 
I have tried and failed to get to the bottom of why there is a constant need to have all eyes on her, why please and thank you seem a foreign concept to her. She has one on one time. Everyone dotes on her, even her sissy spends hours sometimes playing makeup with her. It makes no sense to me at all so I guess I just have to navigate the days and hope it’s a phase. 

Please, George Micheal let it be a phase. (I’m not religious hence the lack of begging God, I reckon George is be next bed thing. Plus, he could handle even my headache) 

I really don’t have any answers to this latest drama in our household. I wish I did, clearly, there is a reason behind her behaviour and if I had the skills to draw out that information I would, because, despite me describing the spawn of Chucky she is a lovely little girl. She really is my pride and joy and she has so many beautiful qualities that I can’t take away from her, (although I’m not going to mention them now because that will just ruin the whole “my kids a little fucker” theme I have on the go.) 

I know having kids isn’t supposed to be easy and its my own life motto that nothing in life is perfect. It’s just another one of those draining problems that no one was decent enough to print out the instructions for before I brought her home. 

I’m sure it’s another hurdle we as a three will manage and overcome, I’m just hoping that’s sooner rather than later before my Duracell battery life dies completely. 

Any advice is always welcome and if you have none, just send help.

Happy parenting,

L xx 

*definition of Noteenager - youngest born child who behaves in ways normally assocaited with teenagers.
This child is not anywhere near teenage years and must be handled with caution. 

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