Shit I Do When I Should Be Sleeping!

There’s a massive list of stupid things I do when I should be in the land of Nod. Unfortunately, one of the joys of being manic, whether it’s feeling emotionally low but physically and mentally switched or feeling motivated and enthusiastic the mind part doesn’t switch off.
When I told the GP I actually quite liked having a manic spell because I managed to get the things done that I never managed before I thought she was going to tell me I was more mental than I thought I was.
She didn’t though. She quite casually said that was normal with mood disorders. So I am, for my level of bananas, normal. Who’d have thought it!
It’s all good and well having the brain ticking over through the day, when normal people are about doing their days graft but when it’s the middle of the night and I know I have little beans to get up and organise and shipped off to school in a few hours it still baffles me why I don’t try harder to sleep.
Instead of even trying I find myself doing the stupidest things. I’m window shopping on websites for things I can’t afford, I’m searching through holidays to take my oldest human in before she flies the nest and doesn’t want to do these things with me. That great, it’s good to have a goal right?!
Well yeah, it’s good to have a goal but keeping the realistic is a major issue I have at stupid o’clock.
Instead of focusing on something that is potentially doable and affordable, I find myself 4 hours later searching holidays to Disney World Florida!
Even if I could afford it, my anxiety levels tend to stop me doing things I enjoy. Flying is a major one. I have a mental block that prevents me from even thinking of a flight longer than 5 hours and that’s at a hefty push. Add onto that the fact America is somewhere I’d love to see but terrifies me. One look at the news or Trump's twitter page and it’s more appealing to trundle on over to North Korea!
Another nightly hobby I have picked up is online dating apps. Which is another unrealistic expectation I am putting in myself? I want to do a little blog about the whole ‘dating while nuts’ situation. It’s really the last thing you should be doing at night time as well because there is a whole host of bay shit dudes out there who is either also manic or quite possibly a little odder than the guys I’ve had relationships with already.
I’ve found myself doodling, reading and as I’m doing now writing. These aren’t quite on the same loony scale as the others but still not the best way to spend the sleeping hours of the day. Trawling through social media is another one that comes and goes in fads through the night.
Again the social media side of things is a bit of a guilty pleasure, especially when it comes to Twitter. Because I am only Thehalfshilling and not me, I don’t have mates or acquaintances following me. I can say what I like, like what I like and follow who I like without the fear of being talked about by people I don’t really like in a lot of cases.
Even as I am justifying my complete waste of time spent when I should be recharging, I know I am trying to convince my self it’s fine.
It isn’t really fine.
It’s not fine because one of the biggest things I have been taught on this journey so far is that good routine, especially sleep routines are an absolute must to keeping healthy. In all honesty, I’m yet to see that side of things. When I nod off early and sleep through I feel worse the next day. When I eventually nod of tonight I’ll get maybe an hour or two and would bet my life savings (if I had any) that I’ll feel better than if I’d slept peacefully.
I can only assume that the routine has to be an actual routine and one that’s followed strictly. Like eating well which is another thing I want to blog about. (When I pull myself together enough to plan meals)
That s me now hitting the 21 hours without 😴😴😴.
Time to put the technology down and rest those heavy eyes.
For another lot of #ShitILikeToTalk, I’m signing off.
X

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